I really wish the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise would leave Beyonce’s discography alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love “Crazy in Love,” but did those lyrics really match the events of Fifty Shades of Grey? Do they express the total craziness that’s supposedly at the heart of the sequel Fifty Shades Darker? Let’s take a look at this new trailer to find out.

In one scene from the latest Darker trailer, Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson’s Ana Steele are in a crowded elevator. He bends down, runs his hand up the back of her leg. She makes ridiculous orgasmic faces, and the lyric “crazy” repeats on loop. Oh my, what a SCANDAL it would be to witness some light elevator caressing! (Note: this is not crazy; please stop using this song, Universal.)

The new sequel takes (steals?) a few cues from Eyes Wide Shut with the erotic masquerade aesthetic, plus a solid helping of stalker paranoia. Ana keeps seeing a brunette woman lurking in the shadows, which is likely something from Christian’s “wounded” past. (Remember, in this franchise if you’re into BDSM you must be “wounded” and “broken.”) Here’s the full synopsis:

When a wounded Christian Grey tries to entice a cautious Ana Steele back into his life, she demands a new arrangement before she will give him another chance. As the two begin to build trust and find stability, shadowy figures from Christian’s past start to circle the couple, determined to destroy their hopes for a future together.

The second installment is directed by James Foley with a script by Niall Leonard, the husband of Fifty Shades of Grey book author E.L. James. Based on the change-up of director, there’s a slight chance the sequel might be a little better than the first film. But looking at that synopsis, I’m worried we’re in for another embarrassing and problematic display of erotics and melodrama.

Fifty Shades of Darker also starts Eric Johnson, Jennifer Ehle, Victor Rasuk, Luke Grimes, plus Marcia Gay Harden and Kim Basinger. It hits theaters just in time for, you guessed it, Valentine’s Day on February 10, 2017. Check out the new poster below.

Universal
Universal
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