Nicole Scherzinger had an incredibly successful run with the Pussycat Dolls, but now the star admits she struggled with bulimia throughout her seven years as the lead singer of the group.

The 34-year-old reveals her secret in her 'VH1 Behind the Music' special, airing Oct. 7. "It's embarrassing. I never spoke about it," she says. "Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know."

Scherzinger continues, "I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It's like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I'd come back to my room and I'd be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction."

The Hawaiian-born singer says she battled bulimia for years, and even incurred blisters and scars on her hands from purging every day. While opening up about her relationship with her fellow Pussycat Dolls, she says she believed "the girls could tell."

Bulimia was a part of her life for 10 years, but the frontwoman was able to find the means to her recovery through music. "The music is what saved me," she insists. "It's the only thing I can rely on." Scherzinger's special airs on Sunday, Oct. 7 at 9PM ET.