It's true, some people seem to have learned how to be charming early on. And perhaps some people have personalities that lend themselves to magnetism. But becoming more charming, irresistible, or attractive isn't some state secret and there are many traits we can learn to become more that way, too.

Before we list a few of the most common ways to increase your irresistible factor--both with friends or potential lovers, please know this: comparing ourselves to others is the surest way to make ourselves miserable and set up false narratives in our mind about who we are.

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You are an original, and to someone, your personality is just what they're hoping to find in a person. So, please don't try to change to become someone you're not. You're an original and probably quite lovely as you are. Not to mention, pretending to be someone you're not isn't attractive either--ultimately.

But if you're interested in gleaning some info about ways to improve on your already wonderful self, perhaps these can be helpful. Take them and mesh them with who you are and make them your own. Irresistible people: 

Treat people with respect. Everyone. Not just the people who agree with you, seem "cool," or you feel deserve your respect. Truly charming people treat everyone with respect and certainly never "punch down." Ultimately, we're all just human. It's hard not to admire someone who is unfailingly kind to those around them.

Couple ordering from a waitress in restaurant

Be REAL when you're speaking with others. More than ever, people are tired of "small talk." It's okay when you can tell that the person you're talking with is shy and talking about the weather will help them relax. But truly irresistible people know how to help put people at ease so that a real connection can be made.

Two Women Enjoying Lunch Date In Delicatessen Restaurant

Put the focus on the people around you, not only yourself. Somehow, some of us were taught that in order to seem interesting to people, you need to prove you're an interesting person. No. Most often, people are drawn to those who have shown in interest in THEM. A genuine interest.

So, the goal isn't to pretend you care about where other people are coming from--but to actually care. And if you don't? Well, ask yourself why. That could be a "growth opportunity" for you.

Helena Lopes, Unsplash
Helena Lopes, Unsplash

Give it your best, but don't try TOO hard. Irresistible people don't take themselves overly seriously. Speak your mind. Be yourself. But you don't have to try to sell yourself to everyone you meet. There's something emotionally repellant about people who are clearly trying too hard to impress you. Relax.

Handle controversial issues with grace. It's perfectly acceptable to share your opinion--again, authenticity is key. At the same time, it's not necessary to ram your views down someone's throat. That will only alienate them. Irresistible people maintain a sense of humility. They know that, however smart they may be, other people who may see things differently may be just as intelligent.

Attractive Woman Listening to Her Boyfriend
Jacob Ammentorp Lund

Smile. Now, when I say smile I'm not talking about the trite retort you may have heard on a bad day. And for the record, don't tell people to smile. But, just between us, a heartfelt smile can be the shortest distance between people--even if they don't smile back. That's not your concern. They most likely will smile back at you, which will make them feel good around you.

Happy young couple sitting in a cafe outside on a beautiful autumn day.

Make an effort to look your best--but again, don't try TOO hard. Of course, you want to be clean and polished. But over-the-top vanity isn't attractive and certainly doesn't make you irresistible. Once you've made yourself look nice, stop thinking about it. That's attractive.

Find things about life that you love and share them. This isn't the same as going all Pollyanna and pretending life is a bliss factory of perfection. Cuz it isn't. At the same time, being positive and passionate about something is infectious. People will want to be around you and perhaps even share your passion.

Kato Black, Unsplash
Kato Black, Unsplash

The thing is: it's not about being perfect. In fact, flaws and quirks can be some of the most irresistible things about someone. The bottom line is to remind yourself to think of others more often than you focus on yourself--how you look, talk, etc. Often if you make others feel special, seen, and cared for--and you reasonable care for yourself and present yourself with authenticity and a kind confidence, people will inevitably be more drawn to you.

By the way, if you have found someone you find irresistible and are ready to pop the question, you may find this quite helpful: 

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