Barkeep, Pour Taylor Swift a Glass of Your Finest Candy and Sparkles
Taylor Swift has already done so much and won so many awards that we forget that she’s still really young. At a mere 22 years of age, this megastar has just barely scratched the surface of adulthood, as evidenced by the fact she’s currently dating a high school student who isn’t much younger than she is. (Yeah, he’s a Kennedy, but that doesn’t make him any older — just more cursed)
Then she topped even herself by using the words “candy” and “sparkles” to describe her alcoholic beverage choices.
In a recent interview with Esquire — which has decided Swift is one of its favorite women — she responded to a question about her favorite adult beverages by saying, “I don’t drink much alcohol. If it doesn’t taste like candy or sparkles, I usually don’t drink it.”
As we pondered what exactly “sparkles” taste like, we got in our wayback machines and recalled a time when we ourselves were new to the booze and could only choke down things that tasted like products of a Willy Wonka factory. So fine. It’s a newbie thing. We get it.
She went on to say that she will occasionally imbibe wine because drinking it “makes me feel classy” — but no Scotch, thanks. At least, she said, “Not yet.” (Just wait until wine goes from making you feel fancy to making you feel nothing. Then you’ll need the Scotch, honey.)
Esquire can love her and they can call her a woman, but until she stops dating high school boys — even if she does think they’re grown men — and preferring sparkly candy drinks over a delicious smoky Scotch, we’re going to keep calling her a kid.