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If you have had enough of the shut in life, I hear ya.  It's getting way too easy to conduct business in my official Dale Earnhardt Jr pajama pants and my 3rd best Star Wars T-shirt.  I think I look good, but even the people at Walmart are starting to snicker at me under their masks.  My point is, I think it's time to make a plan to stay home for good (or at least until I do laundry).  A huge part of that plan is toilet paper - but I think I got that problem licked.  Bad choice of words.

Lo and behold the internet has come through for me once again, and just in time for the spring planting season.  Before you fill your garden with tomatoes, jalapenos, and all the fixin's for a mean salsa - why don't you consider planting some good old, all natural toilet paper.

Obviously, TP doesn't grow on trees per se, but in an emergency you could grow a suitable replacement.  To that end, Joshua Siskin of the OC Register did some digging on the subject and found not one - but three outstanding candidates!

If you are worried about softness, Lamb’s Ears (Stachys byzantina) will have the cushion you crave.  If coverage is your concern, Mullein (Verbascum species) leaves are much bigger and pretty soft (but they're no Lamb's Ear's).  Cheeseweed (Malva parviflora) is another big-leaf alternative that you can use in an emergency.

There are obviously a few more choices, and you will need to adjust for region.  Ask your gardener or landscaper what plant is right for you.  Lastly, but most importantly, make sure you test your new tout papier naturel on a small portion of your skin to see if you are allergic before you dive in.

SEE: 30 Toys That Defined the '70s

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